Why every bachelor needs a steam cleaner

From cleaning to cooking, working to partying, single men must overcome a series of obstacles to comply with the social norms set by the external world.
The days of the ‘filthy’ bachelor stereotype are over. Clean is in. Particularly, steam cleaning is in. Here’s why every bachelor needs a steam cleaner:

Unsanitary bachelor things that are probably gross and need immediate attention

Home gym gear. Video game controllers. Gaudy gold chains and other (questionable) man jewelry. Your shaving kit. The foosball table. Your electric guitar. Sports equipment that never gets aired out. Golf clubs that you use once a year to shank balls 60 yards left into the woods. That couch that you collected from the curb…the one that your friend ‘Jimmy’ said was totally okay to take. THESE THINGS NEED CLEANING. You need to steam these things!

Cleaning your castle

But what about your home? The castle is the most sacred of places for the aforementioned bachelor. Each bachelor pad has different dimensions. Each pad is styled differently. Yet, all bachelor pads uniquely represent its occupant. Today’s bachelor takes ultimate pride in presenting his pad to his friends, family, and perhaps, even a lady.

And let’s be real here guys, a lady can sniff out a dirty apartment. They have superpowers for these types of things.

Toothpaste residue around faucets, minerals crusted onto showerheads and discolored grout lines are quite unpleasant to look at when somebody needs to pay a visit to the washroom.

In the kitchen, it’s hard to imagine the filth that has accumulated there. From stovetops to the sink, when was the last time these places were ever cleaned? The likely answer is never. They were installed a long, long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) and they haven’t been cleaned since.

The whip

When a knight leaves his castle, he gets on his stead and wanders off towards some adventure. A knight usually fails with whichever quest he’s on if his horse isn’t well taken care of.

The same applies for today’s bachelor. Rolling around with a greasy automobile boasts an awful image. People have a negative conception of you before you even open the door and step into the limelight. Remember when you were told, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? In theory, this adage is great. In practice, nobody follows it. Your car is being judged. You’re being judged. Your car better look prim and utterly proper.

My time is precious

Bachelors never have time. As a bachelor, I barely have enough time to write this article. I don’t have three hours a day to clean and pick up after myself. I clean up right before I need to interact with people or go somewhere. I don’t have time to intensely scrub everything until it shines. Yet, my steam cleaner does what I need it to do (smell nice and be clean) with a simple pass over. Once in a blue moon, all the things I’ve listed above will need to be cleaned. Eventually. I’d rather clean quickly and efficiently using the power of steam.

And, do you know how expensive cleaning supplies cost? Do your own research. I don’t have time to explain it to you.

Boys, it’s time to get a steam cleaner.